The common prayer that includes the phrase “and if I die before I wake” is the bedtime prayer known as “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.” The full version of the prayer goes as follows:
“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”
If you take away our society’s sensitivity to religion, remove the political correctness filter and just ask the question, “Does reminding kids that they could die in their sleep before bed each night help them?” the answer, seems clear: No. It does not.
Reminding kids that they could die in their sleep before bed each night is unlikely to help them. Constantly instilling fear and anxiety in children can have negative consequences on their mental well-being. It can lead to sleep disturbances, anxiety disorders, and heightened stress levels.
Instead, it is essential to encourage a comforting bedtime routine that promotes relaxation and a positive mindset before sleep. This might include reading a bedtime story, engaging in calming activities, or discussing pleasant experiences from the day. Creating a safe and peaceful sleep environment can contribute to better sleep quality and overall emotional well-being for children.
Did You Pray it as a Kid?
Did your parents or religious leader have you say the “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” prayer before bed each night? I grew up saying this prayer, for at least long enough during my childhood to make it stick in my developing brain, and looking back on it, have to wonder if I could have been less high strung, perhaps, without it.
Cultural Norms
If we turn the religious sensitivity filter back on, here’s the answers we get about this practice:
The most common Christian bedtime prayer is commonly known as “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.” Its exact origin is unclear, as the prayer has evolved and been passed down through generations. However, the earliest known version of the prayer can be traced back to the 17th century. It was included in a publication called “A Manual of Devotions” by a Puritan minister named Henry Downton in 1698.
Deciding whether or not kids should say prayers before bed that include the phrase, “and if I die, before I wake…” depends on an individual’s beliefs, cultural background, and overall approach to discussing mortality with children.
Pros and Cons of Death Reminders
Some arguments in favor of including this phrase in children’s prayers may include:
1. Spiritual or religious beliefs: If the child and their family adhere to a particular religious or spiritual tradition that includes discussions about death and the afterlife, including this phrase may align with their faith.
2. Preparation for life’s uncertainties: Some people argue that including this phrase can help children understand the idea of mortality and the reality that death is a part of life. It may potentially foster a stronger appreciation for life and a deeper sense of gratitude.
3. Comfort and coping: The inclusion of this phrase can provide a sense of comfort and reassurance for children, as it emphasizes the belief in protection and guidance even during times of uncertainty.
On the other hand, arguments against including this phrase might include:
1. Fear or anxiety: The mention of death can create unnecessary fear or anxiety in some children, especially at a young age when they might not fully comprehend its concept or implications.
2. Psychological impact: For children who may have experienced trauma or loss, discussing mortality before bed could trigger negative emotions or memories, potentially disrupting their sleep or causing distress.
3. Alternative perspectives: Families who do not hold beliefs or religious practices related to an afterlife may find this phrase inconsistent with their worldview or may prefer to focus on other aspects of bedtime routines, such as gratitude, kindness, or self-reflection.
Ultimately, the decision whether to include the phrase, “and if I die, before I wake…” in children’s bedtime prayers should be made by the child’s parents or guardians, taking into consideration their beliefs, values, and the emotional well-being of the child. It can be beneficial to have age-appropriate conversations about life, death, and spirituality with children, but the approach should be tailored to each child’s individual needs and understanding.
The Ethics of the “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” Prayer
From an ethical standpoint, there are a few concerns that arise when examining the content of this prayer.
First and foremost, the prayer introduces the concept of death to young children. While death is an inevitable part of life, it is generally considered best to introduce this topic to children in a developmentally appropriate and sensitive manner. The idea of “If I should die before I wake” may be too heavy and anxiety-inducing for some children, especially those who may already have fears or concerns about death.
Furthermore, this prayer also includes a plea for God to take the child’s soul. Again, this brings up theological and philosophical questions about the nature of God and what happens after death. For families who do not adhere to a particular religious belief or have different views of the afterlife, this prayer may not align with their values and beliefs.
Additionally, some argue that this prayer promotes a sense of resignation and passivity. By acknowledging that one’s life is in God’s hands, it may implicitly discourage personal agency and responsibility. Teaching children to trust in a higher power is one thing, but not to the detriment of fostering individual autonomy and self-reliance.
That being said, there are valid counterarguments to these concerns. Some believe that introducing the concept of death early on can help children develop a healthy understanding and acceptance of mortality. They argue that it can also provide reassurance that there is a higher power watching over them. Additionally, others argue that teaching children to trust in something greater than themselves instills a sense of humility and reduces feelings of entitlement.
In the end, the decision of whether or not to include the “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” prayer in a child’s bedtime routine is a personal one. Parents and caregivers should consider their own values, beliefs, and the unique needs and sensitivities of their child. It may also be beneficial to discuss the prayer with the child, explaining its meaning and addressing any concerns or questions they may have. Ultimately, what matters most is creating a loving and nurturing environment that supports a child’s emotional well-being and development.
Should There Be A Known Answer?
Should it really be a personal “subjective” decision for parents as to if they will “help” (or “emotionally abuse” depending on your views) their children by reminding them of their own death before bed each night? Don’t we have research by now that could help parents understand the truth about this ethical choice?
Research
Child trauma survivors can be more likely, according to research, to have long-term health problems (e.g., diabetes and heart disease) or to die at an earlier age. Repeated childhood exposure to traumatic events can affect the brain and nervous system and increase health-risk behaviors (e.g., smoking, eating disorders, substance use, and high-risk activities).
One thing that counts as trauma is threatened death. The threat of death being traumatic should not surprise parents, but with regard to the Christian prayer they have children say before bed, they appear oblivious to both the threat and the consequences.
Trauma in childhood has serious consequences for its victims and for society. For the purposes of this critical review, childhood trauma is defined according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV and V as exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence [1, 2]. This includes experiences of direct trauma exposure, witnessing trauma or learning about trauma that happened to a close friend or relative. In children, motor vehicle accidents, bullying, terrorism, exposure to war, child maltreatment (physical, sexual, and emotional abuse; neglect) and exposure to domestic and community violence are common types of childhood traumas that result in distress, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and posttraumatic stress symptoms (PTSS). Childhood traumas, particularly those that are interpersonal, intentional, and chronic are associated with greater rates of PTSD [3], PTSS [4, 5], depression [6] and anxiety [7], antisocial behaviors [8] and greater risk for alcohol and substance use disorders [9–12]. {PMC, 2014}
Here’s another report with the same conclusion:
Children who suffer trauma from abuse or violence early in life show biological signs of aging faster than children who have never experienced adversity, according to research published by the American Psychological Association. The study examined three different signs of biological aging—early puberty, cellular aging and changes in brain structure—and found that trauma exposure was associated with all three. “Exposure to adversity in childhood is a powerful predictor of health outcomes later in life—not only mental health outcomes like depression and anxiety, but also physical health outcomes like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and cancer,” said Katie McLaughlin, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at Harvard University. {APA, 2020}
Dissenting voices claim that thinking about death is a good thing:
Past research suggests that thinking about death is destructive and dangerous, fueling everything from prejudice and greed to violence. Such studies related to terror management theory (TMT), which posits that we uphold certain cultural beliefs to manage our feelings of mortality, have rarely explored the potential benefits of death awareness. …
For example, a 2010 study by Immo Fritsche of the University of Leipzig and co-authors revealed how increased death awareness can motivate sustainable behaviors when pro-environmental norms are made salient. And a study by Zachary Rothschild of the University of Kansas and co-workers in 2009 showed how an increased awareness of death can motivate American and Iranian religious fundamentalists to display peaceful compassion toward members of other groups when religious texts make such values more important.
Thinking about death can also promote better health. Recent studies have shown that when reminded of death people may opt for better health choices, such as using more sunscreen, smoking less, or increasing levels of exercise. A 2011 study by D.P. Cooper and co-authors found that death reminders increased intentions to perform breast self-exams when women were exposed to information that linked the behavior to self-empowerment. {SciDaily, 2012}
It seems after considering the research and looking at this question from multiple angles that the personality of the child plays an important factor, but overall, while age-appropriate honesty and awareness of death is useful, too much is too much. This nightly childhood reminder of death prayer is inappropriate and probably harmful to children and thus to societies.
